Law Enforcement Families: We Need To Speak Out Against Police Brutality

My emotions have been on a roller coaster this week. My mind has been racing to no end as I try to figure out the best way to express my heart authentically in the world’s current climate. Our culture is telling us that we can’t be pro-black and pro-police at the same time, and yet in my heart of hearts, I know that’s what I am.

I am a member of several Facebook groups that are created for Law Enforcement wives to find support and community as they navigate one of the most challenging side-kick roles imaginable. Being a police officer’s wife is enormously taxing on a good day. Then, in this last week we’ve transitioned into a reality where the whole world is spewing hate and condemnation on our family’s way of life. It’s paralyzing because it’s not just a job to us, it’s a monumental sacrifice.

When you look at my officer I need you to consider the fact that before he pursued police work, we had a literal conversation in our house where we agreed as a family that we would be willing to lose him in order for him to pursue his calling to serve complete strangers within our town and community. We agreed that we would sacrifice our weekends, our sleep, our vacations, our emotional health, our date nights, our kids sporting events and activities, the trajectory of our household income, and the ability to attend social gatherings, all so that he could work to protect and serve people that we have never even met. From a purely rational thought process, that is crazy.

So when we experience so much hate being directed at our officers and we see targets being placed on their backs, we get defensive - and rightfully so. No one sees the true extent of the sacrifices we make for this job. We feel like we need to defend our family, our choices and our sacrifices. We feel compelled to defend our honor and integrity. And yet we do so while feeling that no one is listening. The walls of defensiveness get built up so high, that we forget about the power and ability we hold to build a vital bridge of understanding and safety between our family and those who are condemning us.

This is where I’ve chosen to focus my efforts this week. I’ve written to my friends in the black community begging them to find ways to have these honest conversations without calling those listening to hate all police officers. And now, my fellow police families, it’s time that I write to you.

I’ve seen your posts in our private groups sharing that you are afraid to say anything on your public platforms. I hear you when you say that everything you share becomes dismissed because of your ties to the blue community. I understand your pain when it feels like no one is listening to us or understanding the realities of our daily lives. And more than anything, I understand your heightened fear for the safety of your family right now.

The irony of it all is that the people who can relate to our current feelings the most, are those in the black community who have faced these same feelings for centuries due to nothing more than the color of their skin. The irony of it all is that the group we are feeling most separated from right now, is actually the group that we can relate with the most in these current times. And I want to encourage all of us to lean into that.

When a police officer kills an unarmed black man, there are two communities that become unanimously enraged. One is the black community, and the other is the blue community. We know why the black community is angry. They have spent centuries fighting systematic injustice and prejudice. They are vocal in fighting for change so that they can live without fear in our country.

And as a police family ourselves, we know why we are angry. We are angry at a bad cop for taking a life without proper cause, and by doing so, misrepresenting and greater risking the life of our loved one in uniform. But distracted by our defenses, we mute the depths of our beliefs publicly.

Friends, do not get confused. We are not mad at the black community. Their anger results from real life experiences with prejudice police officers that were acting out of a conscious or unconscious racial bias that stems from a systematic problem within the culture of our country. It’s important that we remember that we both have the same goal: to create a safe world for the ones we love to exist in.

So here is what I want to say to my blue family: It is time that we change the narrative. We need to use our voice to fight against the thing that actually threatens our loved ones. The best way to gain true protection for our good, righteous officers and to build a bridge of togetherness with the black community is to use our voice to speak out about the injustices in the system that allows for bad cops to ever wear the uniform. We must demand a system that can effectively filter out the people who don’t deserve the badge. We must demand that our departments let go of officers who make choices that routinely put the citizens of our community at risk, and that they do so in a way that doesn’t allow them to get hired somewhere else. We must demand further programs in officer training that teach about racism, racial bias, and how to police themselves and each other from misstepping when on the streets. We must use our voice to have uncomfortable but necessary conversations with our officers about what our expectations are for their behavior while on duty; that they not only are acutely aware of their own racial biases and actively working against them, but that they also have the courage to step in whenever they see another officer behaving inappropriately.

I know our fears are telling us to stay silent. I know our defensiveness is telling us to not join in the conversation, but until we do, our husbands and wives who put on the uniform will always be at a greater risk and this fight for interracial unity will never be seized.

This is my call for change. This is my call for progress. This is me calling on you to overcome the instincts to stay silent right now and to overcome your defenses in order to fight for positive change. Use your voice to speak up for the things that will better protect our officers and all of the citizens in this country. Your voice is not just needed, it is necessary.