To The Black Community From a Police Wife
I’m writing this one day after the news broke about George Floyd - a 46-year-old black man who died after being inhumanely mistreated by Minneapolis police officers. This news comes just weeks after the viral video was released of Ahmaud Arbery being gunned down in the streets by white men. My heart has been aching and my mind has been racing as my privileged, white eyes become more opened to just how broken our world still is around the issue of racism.
I used to believe that the best way to solve racism was to act blind to it - to ignore skin color, because after all, I wholeheartedly believe that race has nothing to do with our worth as human beings. And while I hope that one day in a utopian society, we can reach a point where race is not a factor in our perceptions of each other, I now understand that we are not at that point today. That’s not the world we live in yet.
In the last few years I’ve learned that just by being raised in this culture we develop racist instincts. And if I, a person who so whole-heartedly loves all people and believes in the good of each and every person, can find racially biased instincts within myself, then I know there is an incredibly deep rooted problem in this world. We cannot progress by ignoring it. So I am choosing to speak up - as a human, as a mother, and, possibly most importantly, as a police officers wife.
The reality of George Floyd’s death, as well as the countless other news-worthy wrongly deaths of African-American’s over the last decade makes me so angry. So angry and, as a law enforcement family, so scared. Back in 2013, after the shooter of Trayvon Martin was acquitted, the Black Lives Matter movement started. I’ll be fully transparent with you - my reaction to this movement was the typical white response of “All Lives Matter.” Because after all, that is what I believe, right? What I didn’t understand at the time is how incredibly ignorant I was being to the real problem at hand. White people don’t need more attention being brought to the value of their lives. The world already confirms that we are highly valued, but minority demographics are not awarded the same privilege. The way in which the world is currently operating, and has operated for centuries, does not validate people of color’s equality, recognition, or worthiness as human beings.
But here is the truth of the hatred in our world. Shortly after the well-intentioned and much needed “Black Lives Matter” movement started, extremist started to use the movement to justify the killings of good and honorable police officers. It seemed as though the tactic of battling racism was to shift the hatred from one group over to another. As if to say, “Black’s aren’t the bad ones - police officers are.” This gross twisting of the righteous message behind the Black Lives Matter movement terrifies me.
I was there throughout every step of the journey that led to my husband choosing to become a police officer. He was clocking into a monotonous job that gave him no fulfillment. He very mindfully began on a journey of self-exploration. Along the way, he began a relationship with God, chose to become baptized, transformed into a man that begins every day immersed in the Bible and prayer, and within that intentional communication found himself genuinely convicted in a calling to serve his local community through police work. Anyone who knows him knows that he is one of the most principled and just human beings on this planet. He works tirelessly to protect the people of our community. He makes the choice every day to leave his wife and two young children at home, putting his own life on the line to ensure that the people in our town can live their lives safely. Not just its white citizens, but all of its citizens.
I see the work that he and his coworkers put in to treat all members of our community fairly. I have an inside view into how many times a day they’re having to make judgement calls in high-intensity situations. I proudly witnessed his police academy kick someone out of his graduating class three-quarters of the way through their training after the trainee made a single racial slur. I see how hard the police departments are working to eliminate racial biases from their culture. And so just as black individuals are unfairly expected to represent their whole race, I am so angry at the immoral actions of a minority of prejudice police officers that naturally overshadow all of the good that the blue community is doing, and quickly turn honorable officers into symbols of evil.
My heart breaks for George Floyd’s family. An innocent man was stripped of his life in one of the most unjust ways comprehendible. My heart simultaneously breaks for the wives and mothers of the officers involved who might have known their officers as I know mine - as a loving, honorable person working hard to keep their community safe. Officers who interact daily with the most destructive members of our society and are forced to make difficult judgement calls in high-risk, high-emotion situations every single day. And on Monday, their terrible judgement ended in a fatal and utterly heart wrenching way. Another life was taken and another wave of fear and division has washed over the country. People are angry and deserve to be.
As emotions heighten, I’m terrified that someone will take out their anger on my children’s daddy. With each unlawful killing, people of color are forced to live in even greater fear, and a deeper divide is forged between these two communities. I don’t know how to gracefully have this conversation. I can’t promise to begin bridging this divide without misstepping. Regardless, I am raising my hand to have the conversation, no matter how uncomfortable and vulnerable it may be. But I am begging that as a society we navigate this uncharted road in a way that doesn’t transfer misunderstanding and fear of one group to the misunderstanding and fear of another. I’m begging that we choose to combat hatred and fear with love and understanding.
Each time my husband leaves our house, I worry that my 4-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter will be unfairly robbed of the best father this world could give them because of the heinous actions of four individuals in Minneapolis. And I know that I share this fear with countless wives and mothers in the black community as they watch their husbands and sons leave their houses every morning, and unfairly face a history of misjudgments placed on them centuries long. So please, I am asking you - pleading with you, really - that we find a way to come together in this. I'm begging that we find a way to come out the other side with everyone being loved and valued as an irreplaceable human life. This is not my attempt to wave my ignorant “All Lives Matter” flag anymore. Instead, I’m humbly wearing a “Black Lives Matter” shirt while also telling you that I’m scared too.
