We’re “Shopping, not Adopting” and That’s Okay
We’re getting our new dog tomorrow, and boy am I excited! It’s been so long since we’ve had a puppy in the house.
Within the last year we’ve had to put down both of our dogs. One was really old and expected, while the other randomly lost the use of his legs one day and never healed. It was heartbreaking.
Our family has always had dogs, and I have to say that our house feels empty without one even with two toddlers running around. So when my husband approached me about getting our next puppy, we quickly began to research all of the options.
Within a few days we had found our boy and started to prepare for his arrival into our home. Then a funny thing happened - I started to feel shame.
I have to say this came rather out of no where. We were about to get my dream dog - the one I have had picked out in my head and imagined for over 5 years. What was this ugly emotion doing here?
The answer was very clear. This was my first time getting a dog from a breeder. I’ve always rescued all of my animals before, and boy do those “adopt don’t shop” people come at you with no mercy.
For weeks I began to work through those emotions. I believe in rescuing dogs, but this was also my dream dog and I was rightfully excited. And then I realized something much bigger was at play: the “adopt don’t shop” movement, while started with incredible intentions, has began to use judgement and shaming as a tactic rather than education and understanding.
And guess what? They’re not the only ones. We see it all the time in motherhood, don’t we? Clearly if you gave birth unmedicated and vaginally you’re the best kind of mother. If you choose to work outside the home and pursue something outside of raising your children, you obviously don’t care enough. “Breast is best!” Y’all. Oh my goodness. Let’s stop. Please.
Because shaming mothers for making the best choice they can for them and their family, just because it looks different than yours, is entirely ludicrous. Just like shaming me for purchasing my dream dog from a breeder is unfounded and quite frankly, none of your business.
These movements are all well-intentioned. Or at least they start out that way. And the proper way to progress a movement is to educate people on it and then allow them to make their own decision - shame free.
In fact, I’ll be the first one: Y’all, adopting dogs is wonderful! I have had the best mutts ever through adoption and they bring so much joy to our family every time! It’s incredible. It’s inexpensive. And you can save one of those dogs from possibly having to be put down. It’s a beautiful thing.
Simultaneously, if you also have two little toddlers running around like me, and you are close to losing your mind every day because - girl - this stage is crazy, and you decide you need to ensure that you get a breed that fits your needs right now (namely that it needs to be highly trainable and not shed because goodness gracious I cannot vacuum every day), then girl you go do that.
There’s a good chance we’ll go back to adopting our pets in the future because I truly do love it, but now is not that time for us, and that is okay.
So let’s all go back to promoting good intentions out of love and without shame. People are big boys and girls. They know how to make thoughtful decisions that are best for their family circumstances. So educate them and then love them regardless.